Thursday, August 28, 2008

Kristie's No-Fail Weight Loss Plans*

*Patent Pending

Trying to lose some baby weight? Got a few extra pounds that just won't go away? I have just the thing for you. Try one of my 2 plans and I guarantee immediate results! I used Plan 1 to lose baby weight after I had Haylie. Plan 2 after Anna.

Plan 1:
Purchase a beautiful new home. Make sure your next door neighbor is a paranoid schizophrenic determined to eliminate you and your family from existence. After she breaks your bedroom window in the middle of the night and threatens to kill your husband, you'll be too scared to eat (or do anything else for that matter). Bada Bing, Bada Boom. Extra pounds gone.

Plan 2:
Contract gut-wrenching virus that causes vomiting and diarrhea that won't stop until there is absolutely nothing left in your body. Nothing. Then, once again, you'll be too scared to eat. All you have to do is watch the numbers on the scale drop.

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY!!! I offer my secrets to you absolutely free of charge!


kelly said...

So how do I get this virus?

Jenn said...

No thanks-- I'll pass!

Kristie said...

All you gotta' do is spend some time with Haylie - she seems to get these viruses every couple of months. About every other time, she passes it on to me. Lucky me!!

RMCarter said...

HA! Glad you could find humor in some loss-than-funny situations. :)

Hope you are feeling better.

Alison B said...

Oh, that is not good. you poor thing. yes, i'll pass on your plan. I don't think you'll be a millionaire with this no-fail weight loss plan. ;)