Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Haylie's TB Test

Haylie had to get a TB shot for Preschool orientation. She is such a shy girl, and what human being likes getting shots? Well, I am so proud of her - I had to tell everyone. We went to a "clinic" at one of the local elementary schools cuz her pediatrician can't get us in for a very long time. The nurse was so clever! She drew a little cat face on Haylie's arm with a pretty sparkly pen and said "Now the cat needs a nose - I'm going to give him a nose." She asked Haylie to close her eyes, but Haylie just watched the needle go in and didn't even cry! She said "Mommy, that hurt." But she was so calm and didn't shed a single tear. So, I took her to McDonald's afterwards and got her a cheeseburger and an ice cream cone. I love seeing her grow up and turn into a "big girl".

The kitty on her arm is sorta' hard to see - but you get the point.

I think she was just as proud of herself as I was!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Update on Depression

So I just stumbled on this blog today and I've really enjoyed this woman's thoughts on depression. http://www.confessionsofamoodymommy.com/ She is actually bi-polar, but many of the symptoms of bi-polar are the same as depression. She has a lot of really great information and statistics and advice to help people to better understand depression. Anyway, check it out - if you look on the right side of her page she has listed "topics" that she blogs about - click on the one that says Depression for the bulk of her posts that I have enjoyed. She is on Cymbalta too and it's very interesting to see her day-to-day documentary of how she did on the drug in the beginning - very similar to my experience. I now wish that I had documented the day-to-day improvements. Oh well. A small warning: she does use a bit of language sometimes and her grammar stinks - but her message is great.

For those of you who have not been following my blog for the last several months click here and here to read a little bit about my struggle with post-partum depression.

Anyway, I haven't said much about it in some time - but I am pleased to announce that I (for now) am officially off Cymbalta. I've been slowly weaning myself (under Dr. supervision of course) for the last couple weeks. I started out by halfing the dosage and continuing to take it every day. Then took it every other day - and it has now been 4 days since I have taken anything and I feel great. Now, 3 days from now I may hit a wall - who knows - I'm totally open to going back on it if I need to because wow - it has made such a HUGE difference! Monday I had a really bad day and I was a little scared that it was because I was not taking the usual dose...but I had to remind myself that even people who are not suffering from depression have bad days - it's ok to have bad days!

I just can't imagine where I would be now if I had not made the decision to see a therapist and get help. Our lives (i.e. Eric, me, and our girls) have improved times 1000 over the last 5 months:

I have a newfound passion for my children that I treasure. Again, this does not mean that we are all giggles all the time - but I am able to be patient with them - and play with them. AND, I'm not sure if I said anything about this before...Haylie's attitude and even some of her potty troubles improved steadily as my mood improved. I did not realize how bad I had gotten - but she sure did. Even today, if I get upset with her for something, she will say "Mommy, are you happy?" She is obviously very in tune with my moods - and notices when I am happy. And because I am happier now - so is she. I have to be very careful with her - she obviously has a very sensitive soul. ;-)

Eric and I reached a new level of understanding through this process that I don't think we could have reached any other way. To have him support me 100% - no matter what - to know that he was totally on board with me and my decisions meant the world to me.

I have more energy than I've had in YEARS...yes, YEARS, people. Now, unfortunately that energy has not translated in me wanting to clean my house any more than before - but I don't think that's EVER gonna change! The point is, when I do decide to clean - I have the energy to do so.

When I have a bad day - like Monday - I don't lie in my bed and cry. I get through it. I deal with it. I do what needs to be done. I go to bed and wake up the next day feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle whatever else comes my way. You know - one bad day in several months is pretty dang awesome. I used to have one good day in several months. WOW!

I sleep. That was one of the worst parts of this whole thing. I used to sleep through anything - now, of course that changed after having babies, but I still slept well even after they were born. When my depression hit full force - ugh...tossing and turning and WEIRD dreams that made me toss and turn even more...like...really bizarre dreams...Now...peace. Sleep. Rest. Ahhh.

I feel like such a better person now than I did 6 months ago. I am proud of myself. I am proud of who I have become. I am grateful for my trials because they truly have made me who I am and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Clearly there is still work to be done, but I am so glad that I am mentally and emotionally stable so that I can continue to pay attention to the things that matter - and continue to learn the lessons Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. And because this is my blog - I have to reiterate what I said 5 months ago. Sometimes faith is not enough. Sometimes Heavenly Father asks us to do a little bit more. Sometimes we have to trust our intuition and find a new doctor when the one we have tells us something we don't want to hear. Sometimes we have to put ourselves out there and do something uncomfortable - even if it means that some people might not agree.

I'll keep ya posted. ;-)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Suddenly So Aware

This is the conversation I had with Haylie today:

Me: Haylie, go get dressed so we can go bye bye.

Haylie: OK, I go in my room and shut the door so you can't see.

Me: So I can't see what?

Haylie: I don't want you to see my boobies.

Me: *Dying laughing*

She's suddenly so aware of these things...kinda freaks me out.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of Haylie, I've been wanting to document another cute thing she says. When her feet fall asleep - like if she's sitting on them funny - she says, "Mommy, I have ants in my toes." What a creative way to describe the prickly sensation you get, huh?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Blast From the Past Part II

K-got my scanner squared away and wanted to post more pictures from when Eric and I were engaged. These ones were taken at Bates Nut Farm in Valley Center, CA. (Near Fallbrook where I grew up). It's a little farm with the usual farm animals that you can feed, and a big store with lots of goodies. I used to love going there as a kid and still love going when we are down south.

This one is kinda' funny - this is a little outhouse they have on the property (obviously not a FUNCTIONING outhouse.) But it's a 2-seater! Who would want...who...why...?????

I think in this one Eric is thinking "Will they just stop taking pictures already?"

The good old fashioned piggy-back choke hold.
Ah...the good 'ol days.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

More From the Birthday Weekend

Ok - these pictures are sort of a hodge-podge of Haylie's birthday weekend. The pictures aren't cooperating with me right now so they are not in the order I'd like, but you'll get the point.

I was in the bathroom getting ready for church Sunday when Anna came in, climbed up on the toilet, then proceeded to climb onto the counter and right on into the sink. Then she wanted to help me with my makeup. I can't believe her climbing abilities!

This is at the zoo - she's looking up at Grandpa Garry

This is a dress-up dress/shoes that I got for Haylie for her birthday - a little flapper-girl!

Here's Haylie striking a pose in her new summer clothes. I was so excited to find shorts at Wal*Mart with the little elastic things inside - you know - the ones that can tighten the shorts cuz nothing fits this girl's tiny little body.

Ok - this is the big snail race! My parents transported some snails up to us. And right now everybody is thinking "Why in the world do you WANT snails?" Well, I will tell you. Our turtles love them. It is one of their favorite treats. And, our yard has been completely emptied of them since we've had the turtles. Anyway, Haylie loved the snails and pulled them out of the bucket and they had a race on the outside table. I'm not sure who won - it was a slow race so I lost interest. ;-)

Here we are after the bird show at the zoo with a golden eagle. I love the way Anna is pointing right at the eagle. So cute.

Haylie and Anna with Grandma Jo and Grandpa Garry at the zoo
Click here to see more pictures from April

Friday, May 1, 2009

Blast from the Past Part I

Just found these pictures in a box and had to scan them in. So fun!

Right after we got engaged - we look so young and carefree...

My parents' house has a lot of tree frogs around - this little guy found his way inside (or maybe I caught him and brought him inside - I don't remember). I was trying to turn him into a prince. I think I was 19 in this pic.

Here's Eric at age 8 with a bullfrog (see, our love for frogs began long before we met each other - it's how we knew we were meant to be...hahaha)

This was also taken while we were dating - at the San Diego County Fair (aka the Del Mar Fair)
I have some more I want to post - but my scanner is acting up...Part II to come later...