Update on Depression

So I just stumbled on this blog today and I've really enjoyed this woman's thoughts on depression. http://www.confessionsofamoodymommy.com/ She is actually bi-polar, but many of the symptoms of bi-polar are the same as depression. She has a lot of really great information and statistics and advice to help people to better understand depression. Anyway, check it out - if you look on the right side of her page she has listed "topics" that she blogs about - click on the one that says Depression for the bulk of her posts that I have enjoyed. She is on Cymbalta too and it's very interesting to see her day-to-day documentary of how she did on the drug in the beginning - very similar to my experience. I now wish that I had documented the day-to-day improvements. Oh well. A small warning: she does use a bit of language sometimes and her grammar stinks - but her message is great.

For those of you who have not been following my blog for the last several months click here and here to read a little bit about my struggle with post-partum depression.


Anyway, I haven't said much about it in some time - but I am pleased to announce that I (for now) am officially off Cymbalta. I've been slowly weaning myself (under Dr. supervision of course) for the last couple weeks. I started out by halfing the dosage and continuing to take it every day. Then took it every other day - and it has now been 4 days since I have taken anything and I feel great. Now, 3 days from now I may hit a wall - who knows - I'm totally open to going back on it if I need to because wow - it has made such a HUGE difference! Monday I had a really bad day and I was a little scared that it was because I was not taking the usual dose...but I had to remind myself that even people who are not suffering from depression have bad days - it's ok to have bad days!


I just can't imagine where I would be now if I had not made the decision to see a therapist and get help. Our lives (i.e. Eric, me, and our girls) have improved times 1000 over the last 5 months:

I have a newfound passion for my children that I treasure. Again, this does not mean that we are all giggles all the time - but I am able to be patient with them - and play with them. AND, I'm not sure if I said anything about this before...Haylie's attitude and even some of her potty troubles improved steadily as my mood improved. I did not realize how bad I had gotten - but she sure did. Even today, if I get upset with her for something, she will say "Mommy, are you happy?" She is obviously very in tune with my moods - and notices when I am happy. And because I am happier now - so is she. I have to be very careful with her - she obviously has a very sensitive soul. ;-)

Eric and I reached a new level of understanding through this process that I don't think we could have reached any other way. To have him support me 100% - no matter what - to know that he was totally on board with me and my decisions meant the world to me.

I have more energy than I've had in YEARS...yes, YEARS, people. Now, unfortunately that energy has not translated in me wanting to clean my house any more than before - but I don't think that's EVER gonna change! The point is, when I do decide to clean - I have the energy to do so.

When I have a bad day - like Monday - I don't lie in my bed and cry. I get through it. I deal with it. I do what needs to be done. I go to bed and wake up the next day feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle whatever else comes my way. You know - one bad day in several months is pretty dang awesome. I used to have one good day in several months. WOW!

I sleep. That was one of the worst parts of this whole thing. I used to sleep through anything - now, of course that changed after having babies, but I still slept well even after they were born. When my depression hit full force - ugh...tossing and turning and WEIRD dreams that made me toss and turn even more...like...really bizarre dreams...Now...peace. Sleep. Rest. Ahhh.

I feel like such a better person now than I did 6 months ago. I am proud of myself. I am proud of who I have become. I am grateful for my trials because they truly have made me who I am and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Clearly there is still work to be done, but I am so glad that I am mentally and emotionally stable so that I can continue to pay attention to the things that matter - and continue to learn the lessons Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. And because this is my blog - I have to reiterate what I said 5 months ago. Sometimes faith is not enough. Sometimes Heavenly Father asks us to do a little bit more. Sometimes we have to trust our intuition and find a new doctor when the one we have tells us something we don't want to hear. Sometimes we have to put ourselves out there and do something uncomfortable - even if it means that some people might not agree.

I'll keep ya posted. ;-)