Trials and Blessings

Sorry - I sorta' disappeared for a while. That last post threw me for a loop. I guess I was only mildly prepared for the comments I received. I knew that not everybody would agree with me. And that's ok. But what I was most unprepared for was the amazing support of my friends. It was so surreal to just sit back and watch them come to my defense. I feel so blessed and so lucky that I have such an incredible support system. I feel blessed to have "imperfect" friends - because I don't know that I would have had the courage to do any of the things I talked about without knowing that I was not alone. I feel like I've grown so much closer to so many people through this experience and I just feel so blessed.

So to update on my doctor/med status: I found a new doctor who was amazing. He listened to me and validated me. He diagnosed me with post-partum depression. He said it is very common to experience post-partum even this late (Anna being 11 months old). It is a very real disease and very treatable disease. He said that it is very common for women to require medication to help them through it. He prescribed Cymbalta (which is actually one of the most mild anti-depressants on the market - very few side effects, etc.) and said that it would help me get to a point where I can deal with the day-to-day and eventually get to a point where I can get up and exercise! I also got some very interesting information about the studies that were done on Cymbalta: out of 1200 patients in one study, 43% of those patients on Cymbalta were able to go off of it after only 8 weeks! Now, I am not setting a time limit for myself, but I feel confident that I am not going to need it forever. I feel like my therapy has helped me through so much already and the Cymbalta is only going to help me even more.

So, that's where I'm at. Thanks again to all my friends and family who displayed such an outpouring of love on my behalf. I don't think I even have words to express how grateful I am to you. It is so true that through our greatest trials come our greatest blessings.

Another Confession and a Soap Box

I've decided it is time to make another confession. I have not been doing well for a couple of months now. At first, I blamed my ditziness and my overall unhappiness on my lack of sleep. But then Anna started sleeping again and I still felt terrible. So I powered through it and hoped it would just get better. Well, it hasn't. I sometimes can see myself as a volcano - and the lava is boiling at about eye level - and at any minute, it could erupt straight out the top of my head and I'll completely lose it. The things that I have been appropriately frustrated with (i.e. Haylie's potty issues, etc.) now seem unbearable. I want to scream. I want to run. I want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. So after talking with some friends, I began to realize that maybe I would benefit from seeing a therapist. The word "depression" hadn't entered my mind yet - but I thought if I talked to someone, I could figure out what I could do to make myself feel better, and therefore make myself a better wife and mother. I am usually a very confident person and I usually don't worry what other people think. But lately I second guess everything - and have been very down on myself. So anyway, the week before I met with my therapist I started to think that there was more to it - chemically. I would have the strangest mood swings and realized rather quickly that I was dealing with depression. Whether it is "post-partum" depression or what, I do not know. But what I do know is that my hormones are OUT OF WHACK! I just stopped nursing Anna and the BC pill I've been on is not the full dosage or whatever. OK...so the first week I met with my therapist, she suggested that I see my doctor because it was clear to her that I would benefit from 1) a new BC pill and 2) an anti-depressant to help me get back on track.

*Side note: I had the most amazing doctor. I've been going to him since we moved to Fresno - he just sent out letters to all his patients stating that he was switching to a new "concierge" system of doctoring. That means that to be a patient in his practice, you have to pay an extra fee on top of all your copays etc. He is doing that so he can be true to himself and the reason he became a doctor - to help each patient to the best of his ability and not to pack in as many patients as possible and provide mediocre care. So I support his decision to do that, but I am very sad because I cannot afford to be a part of his new practice.

So I tried to get in with a new doctor who came highly recommended but his practice is full, so his office recommended another doc in the same facility. So I went to him. Well, now I know why his practice is not full. It was a very upsetting and frustrating visit. Let me preface this by saying: I am not the type of person that thinks a pill will solve all my problems. I want to get to the root of the problem - that is why when I had bad headaches I started seeing a chiropractor instead of popping more pills. That is why I wanted to see a therapist before I decided to get on an anti-depressant. I think that so many of our physical / emotional issues stem from other issues. With that said, I know that I need a pill right now. I know that just talking about my problems is not enough right now. I know that my body is physically incapable of fixing itself right now. So I met with my new doctor and told him how I have been feeling. I informed him that my therapist recommended I see him for some additional help. His response (in a nutshell): "You need to exercise. If you exercise just 3 times a week for 30 minutes at a time you'll feel much better". Uh...right. Oh and he did say he would get me a new BC pill and that would help. But come on. Ok...I agree - I could use some exercise and it probably would help, but right now - there are days that it is a chore just to get out of bed...and you really expect me to get up and exercise? Did you hear a word I just said to you? He said that he doesn't like to just jump to the prescription pad whenever someone has a problem. MY THERAPIST...DID YOU HEAR ME??? I SAID THERAPIST...RECOMMENDED I SEE YOU. I AM NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS HERE...I NEED HELP!!! It's not like I'm asking for some drug like Ritalin that I can abuse. I am asking for something to help me get ahold of myself!!! That is what I should have said. Instead I held back my tears and left his office quietly. I got in my car and bawled my eyes out feeling totally helpless and totally defeated. Then of course, I started second guessing myself again - maybe he's right...maybe I am just looking for an easy way out. So I called a friend and she helped me to remember that I need to trust my intuition. Some doctor I just met has no right to tell me what I do or don't need. I know what I need and I have a right to demand it. Needless to say, I'm on the hunt for another doctor.

I have discovered a lot of things recently: 1) I am not man-bashing here but it is impossible for a man to know what it is like to deal with the hormones that come with just plain being a woman, let alone a woman who has gone through pregnancy, a c-section, nursing, etc. 2) It is hard for someone who has never been depressed or experienced those feelings of depression to understand what it is like. It does not make you stupid or uncaring, it is just a feeling that cannot be understood until you're there. 3) There is still a stigma associated with depression and therapy that I do not understand. I have found myself, at times, feeling embarrassed, or wondering what people will think of me. That is why I decided to post this. I want that stigma to be gone. I don't want to feel embarrassed that I am in therapy - going to therapy, to me, means that I want to be better. I want to be the best I can be - and I can't do it on my own. How can that be viewed as anything but healthy?? Maybe there is somebody else out there who has felt the same way I do and is too embarrassed to do anything about it. This needs to be discussed and it needs to be OK. 4) If you think that So-and-So's family is perfect and they don't have problems - think again. Nobody is perfect. We all have issues. It is what we decide to do with those issues that is important. That is why we are here. To face trials, to overcome those trials and become more like Christ. None of us is there yet.

So that sort of turned into a little soap box speech. These are just things that I have been feeling very strongly lately. I did not write this blog so that people would feel sorry for me, or worry about me, or pity me. I wrote it so that if there is anyone out there that is feeling depressed and alone, you know that you are not. It is my hope that maybe I can help someone just as my friends have helped me.

The Mean Tree

Yesterday we went to Woodward Park with Eric's sister and her family to take pictures. Both families needed pictures taken so we took them for each other. I'll be posting our picture here on the blog shortly, but first I wanted to post this picture of Haylie. Not 2 seconds after we were finished with our photo shoot, she saw a squirrel playing under a pine tree and decided to run after it. She ran under the tree to get it and BAM! She ran right into a branch that had been cut - so it was just a hard, round piece of branch. (Thank goodness this happened AFTER our photo shoot!! It was difficult enough to get her to smile without an injury!)

If she had hit the branch just a teeny tiny bit higher up on her face, I can only imagine what kind of damage that could have done to her eye. Whew! Even so, she got a scratch and it turned the bottom of her eye a little bit purple.

So after it happened she was talking about the squirrel and how she got hurt by the tree. I said, "What a mean tree!" So today she told her nursery teachers at church that a mean tree hurt her! I thought that was so cute.

My Twilight Movie Review

I've had a couple people ask me how I liked Twilight - so I thought I'd post my own little review here. I saw it with my friend Erin on opening night at 7 pm. The theater was packed with all different types of people - teenagers, adults, 9 year old boys (??). So - I was totally excited - ready for the action....and...

...I was sorely disappointed - the first time. Ok, so for anybody who has not seen it yet, I'll give you a small warning: it was pretty cheesy - not so cheesy that you can't get past the cheese - just parts were a little "over the top". And the people in my theater were either stupid or too giddy to think straight and they laughed at TOTALLY inappropriate times. I was sitting there thinking - "hmm - he just made a funny face - oh well". But then people started laughing and I could not focus on the movie - I just kept thinking - "why are people laughing?? He's sucking her blood and you think that's funny??" They totally killed it for me. With that said, I went to the movie again Tuesday morning at 10:45 a.m. with the hope that the theater would be quiet and I could really focus on the movie. BINGO! After seeing it again in a quiet theater, I can say that I give it two thumbs up. It did not erase the cheese - there are still things about it that bugged me, but that is going to be the case with pretty much any movie that is derived from a well loved book. And it was so much easier to get past it without people laughing. Also, I think that I enjoyed it more because I knew what to expect. The movie was definitely geared more towards a teen audience and if you know that going in - it's easier to appreciate. I thought Edward was fantastic - just as I'd pictured him. I was a bit disappointed with Kristen Stewart as Bella - she did not seem like a very good actress to me - but again, the second time around, she wasn't as bad. I was also very pleased with the rest of the Cullen family.

So, if you have not seen it yet - keep those things in mind and I think you'll have a pleasant viewing experience.

Autumn Leaves

We've been having so much fun in the back yard with all the leaves falling. Who says Fresno doesn't have seasons? And if you're like me, and you don't want to rake leaves all day, all you gotta do is lay a rake out in the yard and invite some kids over. The leaves will be raked. Trust me. Haylie raked. My friend Stefanie's son Evan raked. My friend Erin's daughter Elora raked. And I didn't even have to ask - they just did it! So how do I get them to come in and vacuum for me? hehe...





I sat Anna in the leaf pile and she didn't quite know what to do with herself...


She kept her feet and hands up like that the whole time



Cute cute cute

As always, go see more pictures at http://picasaweb.google.com/kmetler/November2008

Twilight's coming tonight tonight....

I've been having a bad month...or two...this movie is the light at the end of my tunnel. I know, a little pathetic. But I'm SOOOOO EXCITED!

It only took me a year to finish!

I started this Fall quilt last Fall...then got distracted...then found it again this summer. It's finally done and it's still Fall! Hooray! Now I can display it in my living room before it's time to put it away and bring out my Christmas quilt. My goal is to eventually have a quilt for every season/holiday. At the rate I'm going...well, it'll be a while before that goal is met - so far I only have Christmas and Fall...


Click the pictures to make them bigger so you can see the beautiful leaf-pattern quilting my mom did

She's Hiding Things From Me...

Let me start off by saying that the last couple of weeks have been really good - Anna cut her other front tooth without losing any sleep! Haylie has been relatively well behaved and has been going potty like a big girl. Until...

Yesterday, I saw Haylie go into the bathroom. When she came out she had no panties on. I asked her where her panties were and she said, "Under my bed." I said, "Why are they under your bed?" She replied, "So you can't see them." Sure enough, there they were under her bed with a little skid mark in them. If I wasn't so angry I would have thought it was funny that she hid them, but didn't hesitate to tell me where they were - what was the point??

I just don't know what to do anymore. I even asked the pediatrician about it. He said that there must have been a time that she went poop and it hurt her - so now every time she has to go, she remembers how it hurt and it scares her. So when it starts to come, she holds it back. So a bit gets on her panties then she won't go on the toilet. Then eventually she can't hold it anymore, she goes on the toilet and we cheer and praise and love and kiss and give treats. WHY ISN'T THAT WORKING? WHY CAN'T SHE JUST DO IT? I AM SO SICK OF THIS!

My 100th Blog Post!

In honor of my 100th blog post, I am gonna' make it a doozie. I have fallen a little behind in posting pictures because I've been a little bitter for the last few weeks. Anna has been sleeping through the night again for about a week or so, and I am JUST starting to feel like I've caught up on my sleep. I got to the point where I was barely functioning day to day. Anyway, I have a lot to catch up on so here goes:



This is our family trip to the pumpkin patch - it was really hot that day - there's something wrong about picking out pumpkins in the heat. I'm really starting to love the Fall. I love the colors, and although I don't have a lot of Fall decorations, I am starting to enjoy decorating for the season - and I also love the smells of the season.



Haylie got to go on a field trip with her cousin Tyler's preschool class (Anna and I got to go too)



ANOTHER pumpkin for the porch



Here's Haylie standing with the preschool class. I tell you - she fit right in - she was following instructions and not being shy at all.



They had a little "storytime" at the beginning and here's Haylie sitting with the class. I couldn't believe how well she fit in with those kids who were, for the most part, about a year older than she is. I can't wait to get her into preschool next year - and neither can she! She is always sad when her older friends go to school and she can't go.


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We traveled down to Fallbrook last weekend for my dad's retirement party. 35 years with the fire department! Congratulations Dad! This is a quilt my mom made for him out of his old work t-shirts. Pretty cool, huh?



My brother Jeff and his family were at the party too and he is a falconer. Ever heard of it? Well, he is licensed to keep some wild birds like red-tailed hawks, etc. Here Eric is holding my brother's hawk, Bullet. He was such a beautiful bird. And so tame. My brother had to trap him from the wild and he has only had him about 3 weeks - we could even pet the bird's head and he didn't ever get frazzled by us.



I know I'm a big dork who is moderately obsessed with animals, but I LOVED holding this bird. It was a little intimidating staring him in the eyes at such a close proximity - but soooo cool!



Haylie got to see bunches of cousins. Here she is with her cousin Shea wearing firehats in honor of Grandpa Garry. What you can't see is that they were also wearing Grandma Jo's shoes!


MacGyver strikes again. Eric figured out a way to mount our latptop to the back of the driver's seat of the car so that Haylie could watch movies on the trip. Notice the headphones? That is so she could watch whatever she wanted and WE didn't have to hear it! Eric listened to talk radio and I listened to my iPod. It was quite the setup, I must admit.

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

We had our trunk-or-treat last night at the church. Here's our buggy little family. I was so upset that there was no costume contest because I gotta say - Eric the beekeeper and Anna the bee were the cutest ones there. They would have taken the gold for sure. I found the bee costume for Anna and loved it - then at 4 a.m. one morning while she was screaming I had the idea for Eric to be the beekeeper. We found the jumpsuit at Sherwin Williams - it is actually a painting coverall - and I fashioned the hat out of a Musketeer hat, some fabric, and some tulle.


Haylie would have been a close second in her ladybug costume. My friend sent me a picture of a ladybug costume several months ago and I thought it was so cute - so I recreated it and made this sucker from scratch! *Patting myself on the back* I was very pleased with how it turned out.

Make sure you go to http://picasaweb.google.com/kmetler/October2008 to see more pictures!

Tag, I'm it...

This is an easy tag that didn't require me to answer 5,000 questions or show you pictures of my dirty kitchen. I like it. I was told to go into my picture file, pick the 4th file, then the 4th picture.

This was taken in April 2006 and is a picture of Haylie's very first ride in her forward-facing carseat. We are in my mom's car because my parents came up for her birthday. She only weighed 17 pounds when she turned one, so technically she should not have been facing forward yet, but I was still driving my 2 door Civic and could not wait any longer to have her turned around! Where has the time gone?



I tag...Kelly, Stefanie, and Jennifer W

The Big Three-Oh

Eric turned 30 today! Happy Birthday honey! We went out to dinner last night and had a quiet little party here tonight. Haylie has been so excited for Daddy's birthday - and couldn't wait for cake! Here's a picture of my boring cake...I had visions of so much more - but in my sleep-deprived state, I totally forgot to get the stuff at the store that I needed, so it will have to wait for another time...


I tried to make a 30 - can you tell?

What Time Is It?

I can't sleep. Haylie was talking in her sleep at 2 a.m. and called out my name. It was probably no louder than if she was sitting right next to me - I shouldn't have even heard it, but I did. I used to be able to sleep through anything! So I had barely gone back to sleep when Anna woke up close to 3 a.m. - she has been crying off and on for the last 40 minutes. One of her top front teeth is trying to poke through and the poor thing has just been miserable. I hate teething. Well, I don't remember teething myself, so I guess I don't hate it - but I hate seeing my baby be miserable because of it.

I don't think I've mentioned on here that I sort of have a job. I mean, I do have a job, not sort of - it's a job that fell into my lap as I was praying to know if I should get a job to help out with our finances. It is exactly the kind of job I was praying for. It only requires a few hours each day and I don't even have to leave my house! I am the customer service manager (i.e. the only customer service employee) for a small home security company. (PS...I'm now typing one-handed with a screaming baby on my lap). So anyway, yesterday was a fun work day - and by fun, I mean complicated. And by complicated, I mean gut-wrenching. I won't bore you with the details but wouldn't you know that I started thinking about work at 3 a.m. and now I can't shut my brain off. I'm thinking I need to call so and so tomorrow, and thinking about what I should have said to angry Mrs. So and So today - er - yesterday ...oh, and I gotta do some stuff for our primary program practice tomorrow night -er - I guess that would be tonight...not sure how I'm gonna accomplish all that i need to do on 4 hours sleep. I'm so wide awake right now its not even funny. Too bad I can't call my customers now when they are so fresh on my mind...how's that for customer service?? RING RING - HI MR. SO AND SO, I DIDN'T WAKE YOU DID I???

So I just gave in a nursed Anna against my better judgement - but tell me who has good judgement at 4:16 a.m.? Yeah. Nobody. PFFFFFT!

I'm gonna go write some things down and see if that doesn't empty my brain of work stuff, then attempt to go back to sleep.

Adios Amigos!

The Tortoise and the Hare Chicken

Wanna know what's even more bizarre than a chicken showing up unannounced in our back yard? The fact that the chicken has become best buddies with the tortoise. And, if the laws of reproduction didn't apply here - we could have little torchickens running around the yard! hahaha!

But seriously - these two roam around the yard together all day long - and the chicken even steals the tortoise's lettuce!


Here's Curly (the tortoise) enjoying a little green snack...


Here's Clucky stealing the little green snack...


Here Curly is fighting for his lettuce...


And here Curly has given up. The chicken is ruthless when she wants to be!

They're so fun to watch - such an unlikely pair but they really do seem to love each other!!

We're a little worried about Clucky getting lonely cuz Curly is about to go into hibernation for the winter...do they make anti-depressants for chickens?

She Did It!

Haylie has always been too scared to feed the giraffe at the zoo. She always wants to and has good intentions, but freezes as soon as his dark tongue comes out! She was looking at a picture of the giraffe feeding from several months ago when I had to do it for her and she said "I feed the giraffe" and I said "No, you didn't feed the giraffe because you got scared." So she then said "I'm not scared anymore - let's do it again". So we gave it another shot yesterday and she did it! I guess she just has to make up her mind about something then it's done!

ALL ABOARD!!

Last weekend, we took a trip up to the Yosemite Mountain Sugar Pine Railroad. It's a fun place we discovered several years ago on our way up to Yosemite. They have a steam train that was used for logging back in the early 1900's. Haylie has been really into trains lately, so we thought she'd have fun actually riding on a REAL train. She loved it. I got so many great pictures, but here are just a few:







Anna really liked the ride too - she was so quiet - just looking at everything













Time to say goodbye to the train...




It's so hard to say goodbye. She threw a little bit of a fit when I buckled her in.


That couldn't possibly have been because she was tired, could it? Oh, you have to click on the picture to see the nice string of drool going down her face! hehe...

It was a beautiful day up in the mountains - and the fresh air was...well, refreshing!

To see all the pictures, click here

Prop 8 Continued...

It has come to my attention that the website I linked to in my previous post, with the article I want you to read, is actually a website created by Mormons who do not necessarily oppose gay marriage. So I guess a disclaimer is in order:

I don't condone or support gay marriage. I don't support that website. I don't spend my time reading the articles on that website. I am pro Prop 8 - I believe marriage should be defined as a union between a man and a woman only. I do not want you to read other articles on that site. I did not post that link with the intention of leading readers to support the site. Please do not surf that site and say "Kristie told me to do it" or "Kristie did it, so it must be OK".

I do still feel that the article that I linked to is valid and should be read. The legal references made in the article are legitimate. I stand by the belief that it is important to educate ourselves and not be scared into voting a certain way.

And THIS is why I usually stay out of it. *wink*

Prop 8

Here's the dealio: I hate politics. I don't like to get involved. I don't understand what's going on most of the time and call me irresponsible, but I usually let Eric do all the research then vote how he tells me to. He listens to talk radio and reads a lot - he is interested in the stuff and so I
trust him to tell me the right thing to do.

I've been VERY apprehensive to get involved in this whole Prop 8 plight. (For those of you who are unfamiliar with Prop 8, you can go to http://www.protectmarriage.com/ to learn more) Our church has encouraged us to get involved and go out to neighborhoods and encourage others to vote YES on Prop 8. I KNOW how important it is (because we've been told a thousand times) and I will be voting in November, but there have been some things weighing very heavily on me. For one, I have not felt comfortable going out and knocking on doors or making phone calls to encourage people to vote. Then I feel uncomfortable because I think I'm going to be judged for NOT doing those things. So a member of our bishopric said that we each need to pray about what is the right level of involvement for us, as individuals and as couples. For some, the right level of involvement may be to get out and vote. For some, knocking on doors is the way to go. I feel a lot more comfortable with the whole thing knowing that if Eric and I prayerfully decide how to proceed, we will do the right thing for us and nobody can fault us for that.

Ok, moving on...I got an e-mail about 6 things that will happen if Prop 8 does not pass. I think that most of us LDS folks have probably seen it. Well, I just saw this article on the blog of a friend of a friend. An adjunct professor at BYU Law School has taken the time to research each of the 6 claims written in that e-mail (which, by the way, could have been written by anyone - the author did not put his/her name or credentials). So, maybe this is my level of involvment - to pass along information to everyone in my reach - and further educate so that we can all say we researched and learned as much as we could rather than blindly voting for something because we were told it was the right thing to do.

I like what this man wrote, because he is in no way saying we should not vote for Prop 8 - he is simply showing us that many of the claims made are simply not accurate - and for the most part, designed to scare us into voting yes - well, he explains himself very well - much better than I am explaining it. I encourage anyone who reads by blog to click the link below. It is a long document, but I think well worth the time.

http://www.mormonsformarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/secondversionresponsestosixconsequencesifprop8fails1.pdf

(How's this for not getting involved in politics??)

Kids Say the Darndest Things

I've been keeping track of some funny things Haylie's been saying lately...so I've compiled them here...

June 15, 2008
Today Haylie was holding Anna and said, "Mommy, did you get Anna at the store?" (If only it were that easy!) and I said, "No, I got Anna from Heaven". Then she thought for a moment and said, "Thank you for getting Anna from Heaven." How sweet is that?

Some other funny things:
"Oh my goodness!" (Wonder where she got that from?)

"OK! Alright Alright!!!" (When I ask her repeatedly to do something)

Sometimes I call Anna "Sugarbean" (not sure why or where it came from) and every so often I hear Haylie go up to Anna, squeeze her cheeks and say emphatically "Hi Sugarbean!!"


July 15, 2008
Me: Come on, Haylie, time for a bath!
Haylie: Ummm, maybe not.


July 2008 while on vacation at my mom's house:
Me: Haylie, are you ready for bed?
Haylie: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............no.

September 21 - Emmy night
Eric and I don't usually watch the Emmy's - but there was not much else on, so I turned it on. For those of you who did not see it, there was a little montage in the beginning where various celebrities were quoting famous quotes from different shows over the years. So one of the quotes was Frank from Everybody Loves Raymond - so there were about 7 or 8 people that said over and over "HOLY CRAP!" Well, I was totally not paying attention - and realized too late that Haylie was watching too...of course, about 2 seconds later she blurts out "HOLY CRAP!!" - whoops. So Eric and I try our best not to laugh, or make too big a deal out of it - cuz we all know that if I tell her not to say it - she'll say it even more just to spite me. So, *knock on wood* she hasn't said it again and appears to have forgotten all about it. Whew. She is such a little sponge!

I Love Snapdragons

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

I'm not sure how accurate that is, I mean - I like to consider myself a good friend - but I don't think I'm much of a prankster. But I do love snapdragons...take the quiz and tell me what you are!

You Know It's Bad When...

...you're lying in bed at 2 a.m. because your baby won't sleep and you're formulating the words for your next blog in your head.

And why is it that when I lay her down in her crib, she waits until I'm all snuggly in my bed to start crying again?

*YAWN*

More confessions

So, I have sort of made a pact with myself to post more blogs that will include more of the unpleasantries of life. Not to make us all miserable, but because I am counting this as a journal of sorts - and I feel like I need to document it all - the good, the bad, AND the ugly. Plus, I got a lot of responses that I'm not alone, etc. So I think it's sorta' nice to lay it all out there - so we can all feel a little more normal in our bad moments.

So, with that said, I have to confess. I let Anna roll off my bed yesterday. I had just fed her, and she was almost asleep so I laid her on my bed cuz we were getting ready to leave for church - I didn't want to lay her in her crib then have to get her up 5 minutes later to leave. Anyway, I got dressed then went into the bathroom to do Haylie's hair - totally forgot that I left Anna in my room. All I heard was a thump and knew what happened.

She cried for a couple minutes - I cried for a couple minutes. But she was totally ok. I just could've kicked myself - you know? Everybody knows you don't lay an 8 month old on a bed. DUH!!

Redemption

Ok - sorry my last post was a bit of a downer - but thank you to those of you who helped me realize that I am most definitely not alone! We had two bad nights and two bad days. And amazingly, once Anna started sleeping again, I was able to handle Haylie's moods again!

And to redeem myself, I thought I'd post this video we took the other night when Haylie was supposed to be quieting down for bed. Right. It's a little dark until we realized we should turn on the light - but you'll get a kick out of Miss Anna. She does love her big sister...

Confessions of a Sleep-Deprived Mommy

I usually like to keep my posts pretty upbeat. I try to focus on the positive. I try. Not today. Anna started sleeping through the night when she was 3 months old. I know, I know, that was pure luck. But it has been sooo nice! Then, in July, she started waking up every couple of hours when we were at my mom's house. Ugh. AND, I had to feed her every time she got up because there were other people in the house that I didn't want her to wake up - so the easiest way to quiet her was to feed her. Anyway, when we got home from vacation, she sprung two teeth within a week of each other, and I refused to feed her at night anymore. So the last month, she's been back to normal - sleeping all night, etc. Until 2 nights ago. Once again, every couple of hours. And to make matters worse, she has started pulling herself up in her crib - but once she gets up, she doesn't know how to get back down - so she screams until someone comes to rescue her. So, again, to quiet her, I fed her, etc. Last night, I made up my mind again that I was not going to feed her in the middle of the night - we're not starting that now! Between the hours of 11 and 2, Haylie got up 3 times. Why? I have no idea. But she insists on being carried back into her bed. Fine. Then at 2, Anna wakes up. I gently lay her back down and tell her it is time for bed. She cries, stands up, I lay her back down. This goes on for about 30 minutes during which time I feel like my right eyeball is going to pop out of my head - is it a stress headache? Is it a "I need more sleep" headache? Whatever. I go take some ibuprofen and leave her in her room to cry. Eric got up to try and calm her. He ended up in her room with her for about 20 minutes rubbing her back when I finally went in and told him that he should leave her - we can't create middle-of-the-night habits like that. So I gave her a dose of Tylenol and miraculously, she stopped crying and went back to sleep. I know that I've been incredibly spoiled up to this point, in that I have had some of the best sleeping babies ever. I think that is what makes it more difficult to handle.

Then, on top of that, my sweet little 3 year old has been replaced by some alien creature I do not know. I feel like all I do all day long is argue with her. It doesn't matter what the topic, it seems like everything I ask her to do turns into an epic battle. For example, if we're getting ready to leave the house, I'll ask her to go potty. Her response 9 times out of 10 is this: "I already went yesterday!" Umm...yeah...you gotta go potty more than once a day. Then I either have to drag her to the toilet myself or threaten a time out. Again, I realize that this is normal 3-year-old behavior and I know it could be worse. But, I'm not used to it, and I'm sleep-deprived so I am having a bit of trouble coping.

I love being a mom and I love my girls. I just don't particularly like them right now.

Being a Pretty Princess...

...is exhausting!

The World in Haylie's Eyes

We decided to give Haylie our old camera to play with. She has had lots of fun over the last couple weeks taking pictures. It has been fun to see what the world looks like from her little perspective...

Here she is with her camera


This is a shot of her 3 year old picture on the wall


I think she has a thing for feet...


Anna's feet


Haylie's foot - notice the camera lens cap hanging down


There are about 8 shots identical to this one of her feet...she kept moving her toes


Those are my hands on on the keyboard


A couple shots of Anna


To see all of her silly pictures, click here.